My first fast. Spiritual fast, that is. I’m not even sure I understand what it’s all about or how to do it properly. But I do understand trust. And I feel God telling me to pray passionately. Fervently. To fast on this prayer journey. To come to Him with a hunger in my body as well as this hunger in my heart.
I tend to overthink things. This time I’m not. This time I’m trying to be as intelligent as a fat sheep following the shepherd to another grassy meadow. I’m just following.
I usually have coffee for breakfast and don’t eat until lunch. So for this fast, I am eating a small breakfast, and it is lunch I’m sacrificing. I am grabbing a cup of hot tea and going to my balcony. My little urban garden nestled among cement buildings and cocooned in a cacaphony of street noises. It is here He has led me. It is here I will visit. With the Creator of the Universe.
I also tend to overthink scripture reading, believing I must study from a Bible translation that is a tedious word by word translation from Hebrew… fearful that a modern translation would not be scholarly… or praiseworthy. But today is different. I’m sitting with the sun on my face and I’m scrolling through The Message on my iPhone. Psalms. It was good enough for David.
Psalm 3 – I stretch myself out before God. I am doing that today. During this fast. I’m before you God, unclothed. Empty. And hungry. Real help comes from God. Your blessing clothes your people.
Psalm 4 – When I call give me answers. Yes, God, answers! You know what’s on my heart and mind. More joy in one day than they get in all their shopping sprees. Yes, that’s what I want, God! So much joy that I don’t worry. For you God, have put my life back together. Oh, yes. God, put my life back together. Here are all the little pieces. Broken, dirty pieces.
Psalm 5 – King-God, I need your help. Every morning you’ll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar. Handing you the little broken pieces of my life. Here I am, your invited guest – it’s incredible! I enter your house, waiting for directions to get me safely through enemy lines. There are so many temptations, God. I can’t fight them all. I’m tired. You’ll welcome us with open arms when we run for cover to you. Let the party last all night!
Psalm 6 – Break in, God, and break up this fight. I’m tired. So tired. You know what weighs so heavily on my heart. My requests have all been granted. My prayers are answered. Oh Lord, if only. Please. I want to believe.
Psalm 7 – God! God! I am running to you. The chase is wild. I’m here God. Teacup in hand. Bible in the other. I’m here. You get us ready for life. Made right, kept right. I’m thanking God, who makes things right.
Psalm 8 – God. Brilliant Lord. I look at your skies, your handmade sky jewelry, moon and stars. You put us in charge of your handcrafted world. Us, Lord? Me? I’m not worthy. I’m broken.
Psalm 9 – I’m thanking you. I’m laughing. You set everything right when I need you. I want to believe. I want to. He decides what is right for us. Be kind to me, God. I’ll write the book on Hallelujahs.
Psalm 10 – God’s grace and order wins. Godlessness loses.
Here are all the broken pieces. I want to believe you’ll fix them. I do. I want to write that book on Hallelujahs.
